Calling Out: Dr. Barton Goldsmith & Psychologytoday

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When raising children, one needs to teach them proper conduct so that one day they can be good independent individuals. Yet, when it comes to relationships, it appears that these independent individuals need to turn back the clock into becoming children again in order that they may raise each other into befitting the other person where that becomes the place of happiness that a person will “scavenger hunt” for their individuality. Dr. Barton Goldsmith has an article published in psychologytoday and it is entitled, 10 Ways to Make Love Last Forever. In the article, Dr. Goldsmith gives us 10 ways to either teach your children how to behave themselves OR you can use that same list (minus the sexual parts–those are for mature adults) in order to make your relationship last FOREVER… ” mommy… you mean I can play outside FOREVER today?! Yayyy! I CAN PLAY OUTSIDE FOREVER!!!”

Number One on the list is: Be nice to each other. Yes children…I mean: Yes, ladies: You need to stop being mean or you will not have any friends. Because when it comes to men and women and the relationship we have had, a little “nice” is going to make us appear as if we have always been nice to each other. Nice is the upkeeping of current status. Nice maintains what is and keeps it nice. In that, NICE is only a commandment given to children because there is nothing else to upkeep or maintain as it is a good place to start and to try to continue. Such rule is not for grown ups given that NICE is not reasoning and it does not make up for the reasons why a person is not being nice. Why are you not being nice to your friend (or your partner) ladies? Was he mean to you? Heaven forbids!

Number 2 on the list is: Find little things to do that make your partner smile. Well, I think that women are looking for BIGGER things to make us smile. We want our rights and we want what is fair and we want to be treated well in society at large. We do not want a flower when our heads are up for the chopping block. And we do not want engagement rings when our vaginas are up for mutilation. And we do not want breakfast in bed when our faces are up for a punch. The expected smile will turn into a feeling of guilt due to the lack of appreciation that is going to be held against us although any lack of appreciation in a relationship should be held against men.

The third item on that list is: Let go of the little things that bug you about your mate. And all I can say is WOW. We did not only let go of little things, we have been forced to let go of everything. EVERYTHING MR. GOLDSMITH!! EVERYTHING!!! Women are starting out with NOTHING in relation to how much we have been allowed to hold on to. Let go of the little things that bug us: well, did you know that we measure what “bug” means in relation to our rights and how badly they have been violated?! Yes, we do sir. Yes we do!

The Fourth Item on the list is: Never argue in front of the kids. One day this shall be seen as an abuse against women under which women were forced to hold their tongues in the midst of sexism. One day children well grow up, look back, and say, “can you image how he forced her to keep it quiet?!” and the truth will be out at last! One day… one day…

Five: Look for the good things that your mate does. Men looked and looked and they could not find a single thing but inferiority. And then they figured that we would be a good lay. Good looking out!

Never blame, shame, or complain: that is the number 6 item on the list. Am so glad men understand good treatment and some of the things it entails. Am neither complaining nor blaming nor shaming. Am merely expressing how glade I am in relation to men.

Number 7: Leave love notes. How insane this will look one day as women are asked to disregard themselves and given that a woman’s soul is dying to find a sense of self-love that is big enough to be noted past the self-love given through mental notices and reminders but, instead, through her ability to just be herself without oppression. Reach in your purse the way your soul wants you to be in touch with yourself and find a love note from a man instead. And FOREVER too! What a great list for something that I would NEVER want to be a part of.

Eight, “Cuddle often. Going to bed together, holding hands, and snuggling on the sofa are just a few of the ways you can physically connect, and all of these will help to deepen your emotional bond. If your partner wants to go to bed early, and you still want to stay up, lie down together until your mate falls asleep, and then you can get back up and do whatever you wanted to do.” Why? Are you sick and you need someone to look over you as you fall asleep?—that is what I would say to my “mate” if I must lie down only to get back up because I never wanted to lie down. “Are you sick? Do you need your temperature to be checked often? Do you need me to hold a cold wet towel over your forehead?” What a sick proposal for entertaining hidden feelings that were brought out by the lack of one having anything else to feel.

Number 9: “Have dinner as a family whenever possible. Again, this is one of the best ways to help your kids become good adults, and it brings everyone closer. In addition, having a romantic dinner on date nights for just the two of you is also a must.” Connect with your family, husband, or boyfriend at the same time you connect with chickens or cows. That shall be a good time for making connections with others, ladies. Since you must eat, women, might as well connect with another person as your stomach is connecting with the cow on your plate—that is all. Why not?! Right?!

Number 10: “Trust that you are with the right person. When you doubt that the person you are with is right for you, you will be unable to put the right kind of energy into the relationship. Even if you’ve hit a rough patch, seeing that you chose wisely will make resolving issues easier and life as a couple more enjoyable.” To be possessive is not right. And for one to trust that they are with the right person is similar to one giving another rights over them in an endless fashion that is possessive in nature. If I am with the right person, I must feel it to be so. And if I do not feel it to be so and I tell myself that I am wrong where I go back to a time when things felt better in order to trust my own memories as if I am checking whether I have Alzheimer’s or not, then that  man is being possessive. Again: if I am with the right person, then I feel it to be so…if I MUST FORCE MYSELF TO FEEL LIKE I AM WITH THE RIGHT PERSON (via trust or whatever else you want women to use), THAT IS BEING POSSESSIVE.


Our brains are alive and live… we do not need to copy and paste a time when we felt we were with the right person.

In conclusion, buying a woman’s time and spending it all on sexism first before you sublease it with the promise to rent-to-own-it-one-day is merely a way to extend sexism onto the future generations as the attempt here, whether on purpose or not, is to move the sexism past the woman in a fashion that is similar to one who tries to keep you busy while handing his friend the keys to your house behind his back unnoticed as he walks by. Or it is similar to exchanging money with your drug dealer as you pretend to shake hands…where the cops become similar to your wife who looks at you smiling thinking that you are just talking with your friend.


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Liliyan Hassan

Liliyan Hassan

Founder: Go for Women

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