Calling Out: Edward Abramson Ph.D. & Psychologytoday

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“Does your daughter think she’s too fat? Is your son worried that he doesn’t have enough muscle?” That is the opening statement for an article written in psychologytoday by Edward Abramson Ph.D. entitled, How to Help Your Child Like Her or His Body where I need to stop at these two questions and address them as they are placed side by side in a fashion that is problematic given that we are not standing in that position in real life today.

“Does your daughter think she’s too fat?”  As we raise children, we move in one direction: independence. Independence requires one to take a child and teach her how to walk… teach her how to eat on her own…. teach her how to get ready in the morning on her own. What these men have taken us with children is the opposite direction as now we need to get involved with their weight and their bodies again just when they have barely learnt how to walk as that serves evidence that we ourselves have not been allowed real independence…an independence not filled with abusive behavior against us.

Edward “sympathetically” tells us that, “If you’re a parent concerned about your child gaining weight how can you encourage weight loss without making him or her feel bad about their body? Putting a child on a diet or commenting about their weight, even if it’s done humorously, is rarely helpful”, and here I am reminded of one who is asking us to put a child in a stroller or in their high-chair as to get them ready to be fed their meal.  Indeed it is rarely helpful and is often offensive and hurtful to comment on a child’s eating behavior and their weight….and this “offense” is not one that is only related to how an innocent child feels but it is an “offense” against time itself as such children have not even gotten the chance to use their bodies where they get to enjoy being the ones who own them in full.

Let us forget about the “silly” things that I have just mentioned, however, because we have important instructions coming from Edward who writes, “If your daughter is approaching puberty, especially if she’s maturing early, before her friends and classmates, she may be self-conscious and feel that her newly rounded shape is evidence that she’s getting fat. You can help her understand that the changes to her body are a sign that she’s becoming a woman rather than that she’s getting larger.”—–If I had a daughter, I would tell Edward, “Hell no I will not!!!!” as the magnitude of the situation is not hers to carry given that the terms of “woman” today are sexually objectifying where such “warning” is more related to men than herself. Meaning: I would not be giving you a hand in trying to help you out with her as she is not “maturing” for your sake. She is not maturing at all, in fact. You know why not? Because I would be damned if TIME itself and the passing of days impose  upon me an idea– all while I know that she is not in charge of her own body in full yet —as she relies on others, still, where that “maturity” becomes one in terms of “reliance on others” as if I do not know that one day we both will be getting old to see a gray hair or two as that would not mean that now I would have to erase everything that I have gathered throughout the years as to say, “today I am hitting a senior stage” … and neither will she be told that “childhood over and forget it all” because “today you are becoming a woman”. So self-consciousness should not be associated with maturity… on the contrary, it says that it is up to her to see herself as she pleases… Is that not maturity? Yet, given society and the standards in it—upon which men have covered every inch of its walls with signs pointing girls to their own vaginas–such stage is more likely to be one where she sees herself as you men please. So F you, men.

Continue, sir, however… continue Mr. Abramson:

If your child is distressed about a particular body part, explain that body shape is largely inherited. Losing weight may have a minimal effect on a large butt or thighs. Help your child understand that he or she can be healthy and attractive even without a “perfect” body. You can point out an attractive feature, such as strong arms or a pretty smile, to decrease dissatisfaction with other body parts. You could also mention a friend or an adult in the family with a similar figure who is still loved. Genetics may limit how much we can change our bodies, but it doesn’t determine how we think about them.

Nope. If I had a daughter, I so would not. Distressed? Is Edward saying “distressed” as in: her hips are fragile and she is in pain as she cannot walk on her own anymore as if I am now the younger between the two of us where I gotta help her out with her body?! What is this shit?! It is shame indeed.

Well, girlies: Your hips maybe out of shape and shit but your eyes look amazingly attractive… You better thank god above that you can still see as most old-women your age have shitty vision. Did you see Old-Mrs-Mayra? She took a vision test at the DMV and they practically laughed at her… plus your hips are not that bad, you can still go up and down the stairs…in fact, the way you walk is similar to your friend Jessie…You know? Jessie: the one who carries that wooden stick to lean on for support! God bless you… your personality so remind me of my great grandmother!

There!

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Liliyan Hassan

Liliyan Hassan

Founder: Go for Women

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