If a cow can speak, what would it say? Although this seems like an offensive question for a woman to ponder upon since by merely considering what a cow would say, I would be risking the chance of feeling like a fat cow; I have nevertheless been forced to feel that way in our skinny-loving-world. And since feeling like a cow is something that many women will come to feel at one point or another in her life, we might as well take the opportunity to think about the actual COW itself in relation to food while we are at it. I mean, we are literally sitting in our homes/offices thinking, “omg, I feel like a cow!” and we have not even taken a minute to think about the cow itself! How rude?! Might as well take that negative energy out and spend it on thinking about these poor cows! So: if a cow can speak, what would it say? After spending much time thinking about that question before I went back to beating myself up, I finally have an answer for you:
If the cow can speak, it would say the following:
I understand that I am the one who is supposed to be stupid, but I AM the one who has a question for YOU: What is the difference between ME eating for YOU and ME eating for MYSELF? Here, let me repeat the question again: When I eat, am I eating to fill up YOUR stomach? OR am I eating to fill up MY stomach? Since it appears that I am currently eating to fill up YOUR stomach, how can I eat to fill up MY own stomach instead? Is there a way to do such thing that I am not aware of yet?! Can you teach me?! Am I doing it wrong? It appears that I am doing it right although I am gaining quite a lot of weight which can be an indication that I am doing it wrong nevertheless! Is there another place that I am supposed to be placing the grass that I am chewing on so that you do not think that I am eating it for you? It so appears that I am getting punished for eating as if I am doing it wrong! Did I eat in a manner that made you feel like I took the food and hid it away from you where you now feel like you need to get to my stomach and get it out for yourselves?! I am so sorry if I have not the slightest clue on where to put this food that I have found on the ground…was it yours? Did I steal your grass? I am quite sorry if I have been doing that! Really! Again: I am just confused regarding the difference between my stomach and your stomach…I am not certain if I am eating for my stomach or for your stomach since you seem to put your food (which sometimes includes me) in the same hole that I put the food in… Oh, when I say, “same hole” I do not mean that I am the one who is stuffing myself in your mouth! I just need to be clear because I understand that you have your own mouth… but do YOU understand that I have my own mouth too? Did I do anything to confuse any of you into thinking that my entire body is a tongue of yours that you need to place in your mouths?! it appears that the food you eat is allowed to ONLY fulfill your hunger while mines seems to also be for the sake of fulfilling YOUR hunger… Me, you…Or YOU, ME?! What difference does it make? I understand that you may be confused due to the fact that I am nicer than you, but I thought that at least I can eat for myself (what does confused have to do with being nice? I did not know that logic is at play here)! But, if you do not mind it for a cow to swallow food in order that your stomach is filled up (as if we have a magical pipe network that drains my stomach into their mouths…you would think, right?), then go ahead and let me see how you make out as a cow! Tell me America, how does it feel to be a cow?! They eat so many cheese burgers that you would think that I am their lord! Cheese, milk, meat: am the lord of the USA and they are dropping their freedom of religion and converting one pant-size-up at a time! Mooo!!! Oh, by the way, you do not have to feed me either…I can eat for myself… If I cannot eat for myself, then I cannot eat at all! You know that, right?! Sorry to make such a big deal about food (Am the one who is apologizing? ha!)! Just clearing out the misunderstanding we have! Moo!! Oh, another thing: No need for Mexicans…I can mow the lawn better than any of them….hence why I say, “Mooo” ….It is how “mow” sounds like with a Mexican accent!