Heroin Epidemic–Satire Blog!

In Beauty & Fashion, Diet & Health, Satire by Liliyan HassanLeave a Comment

The great United States of America is facing an opioid crisis–and no that is not why we are fighting a war in the Middle East and Afghanistan. This opioid crisis is not due to a shortage of opioid but due to an increase in addiction and death-rates due to heroin overdose. As you all know, heroin is not so bad. Afterall, god has allowed the growth of poppy plants all over the Middle East and Eastern Europan regions for a reason. And what reason might that be you asked? There are two reasons actually as am sure you have been taught in school. First, the people in the Middle East have a genetic need to be more serious and more prone to outburst (even if they are merely speaking to each other) than most groups of people on this earth. Their sense of rage is best shown when a bomb explodes and it indeed resembles one from the inside out! In America, it is called: anger-problems. In the Middle East it is called, “my right as a man!”  Hence, the poppy seeds are their chill-out supply which is meant to be added to their water supply in order to keep the region in peace. It is wrong for us to use opioid in any other manner as god has shown us by the natural habitat they are found in: a habitat that makes the earth itself and the soil itself in need of pain medications! I mean, there have been so many bombs exploding on their grounds that the earth can finally say, “I have a back problem! No, seriously…I do! I need this!” The earth is in need of heroin and you need to stop stealing its dope. Second of all, god is fair. And sometimes he displays his fairness in ways that are just.. mmmm… almost like check balancing without feelings or emotions behind it specially if the thing is in regards to feelings and emotions. Hence, if you are in pain today, god gives you two options: deal with it today OR you can put it on hold into a safety deposit box in the alley of some street and then pick it up at the end and feel the pain all at once in every fiber of your bones. Which one do you want? Some people have the luxury of dealing with their pains and problems today. Others do not: for some, “save and pay-me-later” is a wish come true if it was in regards to money or any other form of opportunity but they will even settle for it if they must pay you in pain they have and then pick up the check of their own misery later on all at once. It is a lay-away plan: no pun-intended towards those who lost their lives. Okay, it is pun intended in regards to the lay-away-plan but the no-pun-intended is in regards to the no-pun-intended itself. It is like: am not kidding…but the “am not kidding” part is the joke itself. Like: heroin users would not find it offensive if I said, “this is like a lay-away plan!” and that is why the “no-pun intended” is the funny part here. Like: “LMAO, YOU THOUGHT THEY NEEDED YOU TO SAY, “NO PUN INTENDED!” HAHAHA…YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THAT”!

And let me tell you something people: it is almost better to die than to have to face withdrawal symptoms. It is one of those drugs that get-ya where no other drug can possibly even affect you. You have heard it many times: drugs are bad and you can get addicted just from trying it once. Let us not lie, however, since it is these types of misinformation that make people not take the actual problem seriously enough. We have heard that marijuana is addictive and can ruin your lives…how did that turn out?! Not so true! We have heard: do not do ecstasy! It can ruin your life from one time. How does that turn out for most people who try them? Not true! We have heard: cocaine can destroy you from one time! Nothing can destroy you from one time and EVERYTHING can destroy you from one time! That is the truth! That is a property of life and it is a property of finding out and it is property of luck and it is property of possibility—not necessarily a property of drugs. From driving one time, I can get in an accident and be killed. JUST ONCE! From drinking water: the first sip can enter my mouth…and boom am on the floor—maybe not water but a swimming pool! Let us not use scare tactics to deter people from what life gives them the right to do: find out on their own by trying once if they must. I am not suggesting that people should try or need to try as if it is their right to try drugs (I wont try to find out how it feels like to walk on the moon on my own). No: it is their right, if they want to try it once, to not abide by the worse possible scenario as a reaction without that scenario happening! Some may have the need or feel that they want to try something once. KEEP IT AT ONCE INSTEAD OF ASSERTING A CONTINUATION AS BEING PART OF THE EQUATION. Specially when it comes to most good boys and girls who take other people’s advice seriously and who respect what they think but still are dealing with problems or still feel like trying something while the opinion of others in that situation is very important. When the opinion of others is important, the information needs to be true. I will tell you personally that nothing and everything is a danger if used once. The once does not need to continue in relation to drugs—even the occasionally can be kept at occasionally. Do not associate the amount with WHO CARES HOW MUCH YOU USE?! because when the epidemic is real, let us get real…it matters if you fill up the entire syringe or if you only use half of it. It matters if you use it one time or if you continue—and if you continue it matters how much you use. It is not all or nothing just because we want the nothing for once.

The heroin epidemic is not a new thing here in the grand USA where sin was born and raised. The people here in America are of a weaker breed which is why they  left their homelands and were not able to stick it out like the rest of the people who stayed. So of course we will have a heroin problem here. We felt as the earth that those people stumped upon when we lived back home and could not wait to see the first ship to board it and run. We are weaker than most people–or gentler (that is a better way of putting it–in). But heroin, again, is not the cure for the pain but it is a debit card from the oil-companies-in-Saudi-Arabia that will charge you nasty interest rates where the original pain will seem like heaven on earth (this shall lower the rate of heroin use of racist white people). Not to mention that those oil-company bank owners will try to entice you into getting a student credit card in a manner that should be deemed as illegal since by giving you money to spend, they would lower your graduation success rate. I mean: did you think that you would take advantage of my higher possibility to get a job after college by giving me money while I was studying in it—I should be studying you dumb greedy people, NOT SHOPPING! You ruined my life! It is just like heroin and am sure is something that affects the rate of heroin use!

Heroin Plants

It is a sin to do heroin: it is a sin to do heroin because every person should have the ability to care about themselves today without delay. It is a sin because no one should live a life where being passed out feels better than being fully aware enjoying life and what is has to offer. It is a sin although god himself will allow you to use it if after seeing the beauty in life at its fullest–just as beautiful as the flowers of the poppy plant—and you still feel that it is not good enough for you. You are more than welcome to pass out if in the world you find no joy…but you are not welcome to make others pass out by limiting them and restraining them and you are not welcome to make others pass out by marginalizing them to a life of poverty and violence where the world becomes a place they are not allowed to enjoy. The amount of pain that you feel in withdrawal is the amount of pain god has acknowledged you feeling (whether mentally, physically, emotionally, etc)! The withdrawal is god’s way of saying: I assume, and you should assume too, that this is the pain you feel/felt whether you felt it all or not!! This is the amount of harm and the amount of pain that you should assume to have been inflected with if you are addicted/have been addicted to heroin!

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About the Author

Liliyan Hassan

Founder: Go for Women

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