Rick Perry: Fossil Fuel and The light within!

In News, Politics, Satire, Sex & Dating by Liliyan HassanLeave a Comment

Get your flashlights out ladies, because if you do not know already, having your lights on is not only a turn on when it comes to flashing your boobs, but it can help prevent sexual assault predators (from existing as if they are AIDs). If you have ever lived in an area near a wilderness, then you may already need to carry a flashlight in order to prevent coyotes from attacking you since they usually will stay afar upon seeing a beam of light. And if you are infected with HIV/AIDS, then you know—as you need to constantly remind others— that upon being exposed to light, the HIV/AIDS virus dies and fails to spread as it otherwise should. In that same manner, shinning your flashlights while walking outside during the night will keep a sex predator lurking behind the trees where he belongs and/or it will illuminate some brightness in his otherwise dumb head which will make that area of his brain stop sending signals to the reactive side of his brain as to make sure that his stupidity does not spread far enough to make him act on his animalistic urges. Although carrying a fire torch while walking outside will assure that your very own (yes we each have a predator soul mate) sexual assault predator will get burned down if he tries to come near you, it appears that a flash light or an electric light will be much better in helping your predator stay in his place. This fact is confirmed by the US Energy Secretary, Rick Perry, who said that an increase in the use of fossil fuels in Africa for electricity may prevent sexual assault and may help little girls read a book or two without the fire torch, they currently use, causing fumes that can kill them.

Having your own sexual assault predator has its many advantages and very few disadvantages. First, it is nice to keep a sexual predator around since he is often too fast when he runs and he will be able to get you what you need in record speed time. And although this minimizes the need for fossil fuels for transportation purposes, African women can start buying electric stoves to cook all the food that the predator will bring her. In addition, having your own sexual assault predator means that a woman can feel assured that no other predator will assault her as long as she lives in fear at home with him. This, in turn, can minimize the spreading of STDs and HIV which is a huge positive in relation to women’s health and their status in society. Furthermore, having your very own sexual assault predator will keep the number of random sex attacks down since each woman can deal with her own sex assault predator until the sun comes up…although, I must mention that by having lights, it will seem that the sun can never come down often enough. To have your own sex assault predator may lead women to feel like having children and a family; but thanks to the lights that can be turned on at any time during the night (turned on in the same fashion your sex predator’s default status is), women can read books and get educated so that they do not feel the need to have children and a family as something that is necessary. Having a fire torch can make for a huge fire hazard… which can be a bit of a problem if the woman feels like she would rather burn the entire house down. Hence, having lights will give the predator a sense of control over his life situation which can make him commit less violent acts against her. It is all about the predator, right?

Although it may seem a bit unfair for a woman to have her own sex assault predator soulmate AND a romantic soulmate, many women often combine the two as to enjoy the “fruit” of each soulmate at different stages of her romantically assaulting relationship. Despite the fact that American women seem to be the most free out of all women, it may come at a surprise that they create the most “fire-hazard” for other women as they often do not abide by the ONE-LADY-ONE-SEX-ASSAULT-SOULMATE rule. This, in turn counteracts all the advantages gained from having ONE sex predator per life-time. For Arab women, however, the story is a bit different: Arab women have worked tirelessly and without a break—in such diligence that can only come from a woman who is running away from a sex assault predator—in order to abide by the ONE-LADY-ONE-SEX-ASSAULT-SOULMATE rule. And although this seems like it is counterproductive to the reasons why one needs her own sex assault predator, it is the principle that counts sometimes!

Fossil fuel and soulmates are no strangers to each other either. As you may know, when bodies die and they decompose, they form fossil fuel under high pressure. The souls of those dead people have no home. When extracting the fossil fuel from the earth by digging at it against its own will—which may resemble a violent rape scenario (or a sexual fantasy)—the energy extracted to turn on the lights (how pathetic, right? All that for a tata: a day time experience during THE NIGHT…WOW!) will replace the bodies of the free-roaming spirits as to make it their new home. When a sex predator gets a glimpse of that light, he will feel like he has found his soulmate thereby making sure that the woman can run away for her life in case she is a woman who has not found her perfect soulmate as of yet. Indeed, when it comes to sex predators, it is not women who count neither is it he who is the one in charge of turning on the lights– instead, it is the light itself that turns him on and off since death makes for a perfect soulmate sometimes.

Preventing sexual assault predators from attacking may require more than the woman and her good heart as it may require more than a sense of humanity and kindness on the part of the “predator” (he gets a quotation mark if he was nicer). Preventing a sexual assault predator from attacking a woman requires dead bodies, high pressure, digging tools, commercial converters, and electricity so that a woman can see where the hell she is going which may put the attacker at a disadvantage if he was to run after her.

When it comes to Africa, it is safe to say that no little girl should ever grow up in a world without a bright enough nighttime light.

About the Author

Liliyan Hassan

Founder: Go for Women

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