Romantic Authenticity Is (not) For Women

In Featured, Sex & Dating, Uncategorized by Liliyan HassanLeave a Comment

Why Authenticity Is the Best Dating Strategy? is the question asked by Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D. in article written in psychologytoday. And as an Arab woman, I would love to answer his question given that our culture does find authenticity to be the best dating strategy which is why they demand that the woman has to be an “authentic” virgin bride in order that she does not demean herself and bring shame onto the universe for deviating to less-than-perfect standards. Indeed, authenticity has been the best dating strategy demanding women to put their lives on hold in a state of submissive preservation of all that her future can hold (subject to a man showing up to marry her: see the back for more details on this cheap offer). Hence, it is about time that the west catches up (or circles back around) to these great and amazing cultural practices that insinuate a harsh judgement coming from men who STILL demand “authenticity” despite the fact that they have abused women for long under the belief that is backed by the contradiction that he is one who deserves better than to have abused women (in hindsight).

Authenticity is a dating practice as it is a control strategy that men have used to manipulate young women into “feeling their authentic best” in the midst of abuse where “threats and violence” are given a “lovingly authentic” label. Such “authenticity”, when related to others who act blameless in regards to the sexism in this universe, is more accommodating than it is worthwhile. For “being true” is not an individualistic aspiration nor is it a character trait…but it is a human MUST that makes the difference between sexism and fairness and the difference between war and peace. Shall we start with our dating lives in bringing authenticity back in fashion?! We should…except the chances that we get dumped for “boredom reasons” will make it more humiliating to try than anything else (aka: how convenient?! Tell us to jump and we shall be ready to jump on demand).

Lawrence Josephs begins his article by asking his readers these questions, “Is it better to be yourself or play hard to get when dating?Is being yourself attractive and what type of person does being yourself attract? Do we become more emotionally open and available when we are made to feel safe to be our true selves?”So, in regards to the first question, I will say that men have acted in their own best interest thus far…and in doing so, they have claimed their behavior to be their “authentic” self (I mean, authentic is for the sake of one’s best interest…and if you act in your own best interest, you don’t get to have the cake and eat it too). As such, it is better to play hard to get when your authentic self entails that we are to be subjected to all these abuses (which is why men play hard to get today). To the second question, I will say that “attraction” has been altered due to men acting in their own best interest at the cost of others as that makes women more “attracted” to “bad boys” and to men whose authenticity consists of a healthy dose of “arrogance” and “carelessness”. Hence, on whether being yourself is attractive or not: this is not a relevant question as “abusive best interest” has changed the definition of attraction. Now, in regards to the third question, I say—YES: men have been more emotionally open as they have opened the door to “emotions” and feelings we would have never encountered if it was not for their abuse…emotions and feelings that we would rather have never felt or encountered. Although Lawrence wonders whether “feeling safe to be ourselves” leads us to be more emotionally open, he should not forget that men have felt a sense of “safety” in being the “physically stronger” sex where this has lead to an emotional embezzlement that has allowed men to control, abuse, and manipulate our feelings. Safety may be a thing connected to “authenticity” but that is something that men have not allowed for us to experience yet.  Indeed, feeling a sense of “safety” in us not being able to defend ourselves in full has been an emotionally charged experience that most women would agree they would love to never repeat. In that, emotions have been opened in the form of a stab wound that demands women to give up more of themselves towards men in order for its pain to be soothed.

Authentic selves..not so authentic selves… if the person needs to push the car around, is it really a car even if it looks like one?! I have no clue… who cares, right?! Man…woman… gender neutral… who cares… we are just being dragged along and we are trying to make the best out of this hostage situation…

About the Author

Liliyan Hassan

Founder: Go for Women

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