The Last Republicans: A Period of Tampons & Rhetoric

In Celebrity, Diet & Health, News, Politics, Satire, Sex & Dating by Liliyan HassanLeave a Comment

Whether you are post-menopausal, going through a menopause, or whether you are still bleeding every month with or without the use of birth control; I need you to throw your super-tampons away, ladies, and fill your purses up with a few light-flow tampons instead because a period in our history is coming to an abrupt end and I do not want any of you to experience a Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) where a little bit of blood can make you die due to foolishly being overprotective of your underwear. Yes, you heard me right: The republican party, as we know it, is being destroyed right in front of our eyes thanks to Donald Trump and his “blowhard” ways. This is according to George Bush and his son, George W. Bush; who have expressed concerns over the future of the republican party as revealed in a series of interviews by Mark K. Undegrove and his book, “The Last Republicans”. In the book, George Bush Senior (TSS warning) revealed that he voted for Hillary Clinton in the last presidential race while his son shockingly stated that he did not vote at all. Are you experiencing a fever or a sudden drop in your blood pressure yet? Maybe it is not TSS but you get the point.

Speaking of “getting the point without that point actually being so true”: There is nothing else in this world that can either strengthen or tear apart a mother-daughter relationship more than when a girl gets her first period. When it comes to the Bush family (no razors needed), having your period is a father-son affair where the American people turn into a pair of underwear and where the Middle East turns into a tampon and where the blood is a form of a war bombing to be caught by the people in the Middle East to guarantee an overnight protection of the American people. Indeed, for the Bush family, to blow hard bombs is a thing that should have brought a father and his son even closer together if it was not for the fact that instead of George W. Bush tossing Saddam Hussein in the trash bin after carefully wrapping him up in a paper towel as his father has instructed, he instead tried to flush him down the toilet where we today are still trying to unclog it. So what does the Bush family know about being a “blowhard” that they cannot look at with the same support and pride (or, in some cultures, even shame) that a mother has towards her daughter as she has her first period?! If George Bush Senior knows anything more about that than this, I am certain (as the rhetoric goes) that his son knows nothing past that at all.

Knowing nothing past a bloody-relationship may seem bad enough. Yet, the worst thing about having a period is the fact that once it starts, it keeps happening every single month. And if we were to judge time using our periods, then every woman becomes one who has the ability to time travel where the period itself becomes the reference point of “time today”. Meaning: Due to the fact that you had your period on 10/6/2017, it must mean that today (11/6/2017) is still 10/6/2017 in Period-Time (which is why women living together menstruate at the same time). Hence, if women were to accept their periods and to love their periods more than they are able to love themselves (which may cause many women to feel irritable and have mood swings), then women may finally gain the upper-hand of having the ability to time travel as men are stuck back in time getting older every minute. We can see this time-traveling happen in action as Ivanka Trump joins her father in the SAME oval office working by his side at the same exact PERIOD—although we needed to wait a period of 12 years for George W. Bush to join his father in the SAME oval office, which a man is only able to do during a whole different time. And even though we can say that George H. W. Bush (the father) was a hard tough president as we can say that his son (George W. Bush) simply “blows”, it should come at no surprise (if we were to apply the Period-Time mechanism) that the space between the words “blow” and the word “hard” can be negated today as the Bush Family tries to remove itself from the effects it has had on the republican party to simply hand the responsibility for all the damages they made over to Donald Trump thereby feeling a sense of righteousness in combining these two words and calling him a “blowhard” (a very blowhard thing to do if you ask me). It is the same sense of “righteousness” that a woman feels towards having a piece of chocolate cake whenever her period comes around where combining the calories from the cake with the bloating, ends with the woman saying, “Who cares, right?!”

To care or not-to-care is not much up to debate since every girl knows not to wear her most expensive underwear during the time which she has her period. And if a woman is able to make up for this risk by wearing a tampon that is designed for a heavier flow than that of her period, then to risk ruining her underwear may cost the woman her life. Hence, it is safe to say that a woman’s life is worth the same value as that of a good pair of underwear if she is so foolish and shallow to see it as so. And where the democratic party has managed to resolve the issue of “which underwear should I wear for my period today?” by picking up the Middle East as a correct-flow tampon that is allowed to infringe on the rights of people in America, the Republican party has acted on a whole other principle as it continuously exaggerates the importance of a “cheap” pair of underwear ONLY during the time when it has the chance to be stained by blood. During such time, the republican party always seems to value racial diversity and equality for both the men and women of the USA as it tries to uplift the value of the other-wise cheapened American people. And in doing so, the republican party is able to convince the citizens of the United States that they are in need of a heavier flow tampon in order to catch all the blood that it is willing to shed in the Middle East even if it was going to cost us a few American lives (From a UK population of around 60 million women, there were about 40 TSS cases reported each year according to toxicshock.com). As such republican strategy has left Donald Trump with the task of “draining the swamp” ( or showing politicians that only an expensive pair of Trump Designer Underwear is worth saving and worth risking our lives for) where he has hired a list of Billionaire and Millionaire cabinet members thereby making the bold move of combining the menstrual cycle of 5 men (former presidents) and giving them all to one person to deal with (hence creating a huge clot that is in need of being drained out); it does so appear that Donald Trump is the blowhard outsider who has come to snatch away republican’s cheap underwear—the same “cheap” underwear the republican party is willing to uplift as important and expensive by wearing a super tampon (at the cost of others). I need to mention, however, that where the republican party does not make an effort at uplifting under-privileged people, at least Donald Trump is trying to use his expensive taste to “make America great again” given that, as of this moment, we are merely a blood-stained cheap pair of underwear that is hanging on by a thread. Or so does the rhetoric go…

And so does the rhetoric allow me to reveal to you how George Bush Senior revealed to Mark K. Undegrove the fact that he voted for Hillary Clinton in this last presidential race. And although this may seem like a statement that speaks for itself, we cannot forget that the republican party has often created policies where they feel it to be right to speak on a woman’s behalf. When it comes to issues such as that of abortion, for example, where the fetus is given the value of an adult life— as if the value of life is determined by the condition of the underwear a woman is wearing where the fetus is great in relation to the woman not staining that underwear as the pregnancy frees her from having to deal with any menstruation for 9 months — putting a woman in a position of “power” in order to clean up the mess is neither a sexism free act nor is it a statement that speaks for its own self . In respect to the truth of that, rapper Yo Gotti has recently tried to put women in a position of power in order to clean up the mess where he stated in his song, “Rake it Up”:  I tell all my h@#s— rake it up…Break it down, back it up…Rake it up, rake it up, back it up, back it up. 

So let us follow the exact orders of Yo Gotti word for word as Nicki Minaj is doing and back it up to the beat…[song still playing: “I think he need the panty, I might just let him find me”]….now, Stop! Given that 28 years have passed (or 28 days in menstrual cycle terms) since George Bush Senior took office where both republicans and democrats just started a period that is leaving so much blood its beginning to resemble a crimes scene (and indeed, so many politicians have come, at least, under investigation during that period), it is no wonder why George Bush Senior is willing to cast a vote for Hillary as being the suitable candidate to clean up that mess. Yet, such “crime scene” does come with a disgust factor where the American people, who have had it with politicians, felt it right to put a “blowhard” man in charge…a man who is not afraid to curse at his fellow politicians, foreign leaders, and even at his very own citizens…because, who can blame him, right?! But, when Hillary made the ultimate mistake (or so does the rhetoric go) of calling out some conservatives as “deplorable”, it appears that such mistake was no mistake at all for George Bush Senior who still went ahead and voted for Hillary. And here is where the “statement” and where the “Statement does not speak for itself” come together: For Bush to vote for Hillary Clinton seems to be an act that speaks more about George Bush and the republican party than it speaks about George Bush and his respect for women rights and his approval of the democratic party. And indeed, George Bush does not deny that at all. When it was all said and done and when a woman’s period is something that comes at the end of a statement that requires a woman to speak on its behalf, it seemed less sexist for the American people (at least when we are being selective to choose what counts and what does not count) to not put a woman in charge of having to deal with a criminally-bloody-and-messy period (she can deal with criminal part and the messy part as much as we can throw her way, however).

Needless to say, even though I am still willing to say it in order to throw some more words your way: It is about time that the Republican Party gets to experience a period of abnormally heavy bleeding, mood swings, irritability, bloating (for no other reason but to pass gas (legislation) in the same manner they tried to repeal and replace ObamaCare), and tender breasts (where they feel a sense of love towards life when it comes to a fetus in conjunction to a hatred towards everything and everyone else). And although it may appear that the republican party is coming to an end due to this, let us not forget that even an expensive pair of underwear can become cheapened by the tiniest blood stain—and this is good enough to keep the republican party alive and well for the years to come. So allow me to announce this message again for you ladies: Throw your super-tampons away and fill your purses up with a few light-flow tampons instead because a period in our history is supposedly coming to an abrupt end. As for the Republican party, I have something to tell you: It is not the size of the tampon that makes the American people. No. Americans are people who can take a stain or two as long as it is done in good intent. So next time you have your period and you are sitting in the bathroom, ladies, I hope that instead of thinking of yourselves in a sexual manner, that you start thinking about Politics, Republicans, War, Time Traveling, and/or the good old Middle East. Our world is indeed a bloody mess after all. Peace!

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