Sexist Confidence: A Self Fulfilling Prophecy!

Liliyan Hassan Character, General Psychiatry Leave a Comment

Confidence is a certainty in relation to that which one considers to be a part of the self. When we are allowed to be ourselves, a person acts with confidence as its certainty becomes a form of letting go which is a feeling that lacks self-criticism and self-doubt given that such confidence leads to–as it is also due to– a sense of ease in relation to mistakes made. Today, in our sexist world, who we are is defined sexually. And as such, confidence takes on a whole new meaning as certain aspects of life are being esteemed and attributed to people in accordance to sexist dynamics. In that, if a boy is raised to feel that “hitting women” is part of who he is and what makes him a man, then he is confident in acting that way as society esteems it in a continuous fashion that does not allow for him to disassociate from it and find who he is as a person. And as boys are raised to feel as if they are being “themselves” while being “superior” and where such “superiority” is given a definition that is inclusive of abusing others, then confidence for men is one that is a default feeling which women need to act in accordance to as to verify as true. If WHO I AM says that I have the right to control women’s life, then I am confident because women’s lives are being controlled and hence I am doing right and there are not many more mistakes that can be done to make me feel otherwise. And in such case: as women’s lives are being controlled, I would feel like I am being true to myself. This  self-confidence is attached to others due to self-esteem given that women give men esteem as we are being controlled—albeit that such esteem is imposed onto us to give…giving men a self-fulfilling-prophecy-of-a-confidence.

As I said, confidence is a certainty in relation to that which one considers to be a part of the self. Integrity is a genuine personality and its strength is that of confidence as integrity is felt as a sense of consistency in conjunction to a feeling of “an openness to be forthcoming”…  and when that openness is of strength then this confidence (integrity becomes confidence) is felt as a certainty that is displayed in the form of one who knows that which they are approaching… where others recognize it as a person who seems too knowing of what it is they are about to face (that person seems confident because one is not worried about criticism but is open in being forthcoming). LET ME REPEAT WHAT I AM SAYING: A CONFIDENT PERSON IS ONE WHO SEEMS LIKE S/HE KNOWS WHAT IT IS THEY ARE APPROACHING AND, TO OTHERS, THAT PERSON SEEMS TO BE TOO KNOWING OF THAT WHICH THEY ARE ABOUT TO FACE. THIS IS HOW CONFIDENCE IS PRESENTED.

When we have a standard quo and a standard in regards to how we should look and appear, then “knowing what is to come” is something that we prepare for before hands in the form of what clothes we should wear and how many pounds we need to lose before others find us to be “good looking” as for us to appear as if we are “knowing of what is to come” through the “positive reactions” that society has determined before hands. This is similar to having an exam and you giving me the answers before hands. This is the type of confidence that the standard quo produces where people can “look confident” by sexist standards that are limited to clothes and weight and things like that. And as such, this type of “confidence” does not stick for long as opinions start to lose value specially when the effort invested in meeting the standard quo is far too much to be this shallow—where in me saying that it is “shallow”, such confidence is forcing me to insult my own self. For if our confidence was more in line with the truth, my looks are not just a shallow thing…my looks would be appropriately important. But in having such type of confidence, we insult our selves by being lead down a road where focusing on looks so much becomes a thing shallow when it should not be. The integration of sexism into our personality sexualizes that which we see as important leading us to rely on that which is outside of ourselves for integrity. Meaning: We now have a choice in presenting our “integrity”—despite our personality—where, for example, I may feel that “clothes do not matter this much” but due to how people perceive “correctness to be”, I may put on a business suit in order that I do not send the wrong idea despite me feeling otherwise about it.  And so it becomes that often and in living in a world where the standard quo is that which determines our level of confidence, that many have dismissed the opinion of others as unimportant as we have the “who cares about what other people think?” chant that speaks about such aspect that offers a solution for those who are sick and tired of having their self-confidence attacked by a system that is only concerned about the looks of integrity and self-confidence.

In conclusion, here is what I am trying to say: The confidence a person carries should not have cost a steep price for half of the world’s population. And when putting women in an inferior position, it is to be noted that no one wants to feel inferiority as part of their personhood—that would be a crime as it is a crime. For men, sleeping with women has become the second round of confidence injection that men are medicating themselves with using us. And the way we are objectified today speaks a lot about how much it takes to bring men’s self esteem up as we exchange our true selves with a “self” that gains value out of being freed sexually. This sexual freedom is nothing but a path paved by men in order to further minimize our worth as they get to be narcissists who reject, use, and move on to the next woman in line as they feel better and better about their so-called identity which is nothing but a facade of an identity based on those exploited being seen as another person’s personal allowance. We want to keep our self confidence and we want to be the builders of it out of our own character and strengths. We do not want to trade it in for sex—that is a sin that men are committing against us and not the “biblical sin” that men have preached but the type of sin that should have been biblical if religions themselves did not preach sexism as well. We want to keep our self confidence and we want it to be based on our true selves and not based on men and how they view us as confidence is character as it is personality…it is a solid selfhood and not merely a mirage that disappears when we wash our make up off. We are reasonable human beings and we have been more than reasonable with men—in fact, we have shown superior character that should not leave us feeling the way many of us are feeling today…it should not leave us feeling worthless and it should not leave us feeling without confidence or esteem. Yet, many women feel that way today despite all the forgiveness they have bestowed and all the chances they have given and all the courage it takes to remain in this world without the fear threatened onto us by men who still harm us sexually and otherwise. Such character is one that should be esteemed and such women should be ones who are confident to have at least done that which has taken Jesus Christ for men to even come close to doing. What we have gotten, however, has been nothing but disrespect. And although respect has gotten a bad-rep due to men abusing us as to receive it, respect is about understanding that confidence is not an option but a human character and a character of those who are entrusted with a human body as they are ones who are capable of much damage and so confidence becomes a thing backing the good intent to do what is right instead of being a thing of an arrogance that is there to speak about how all the wrongs have benefited much thus far. 

About the Author
Liliyan Hassan

Liliyan Hassan

Founder: Go for Women

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